I am Running Out of Things to Waste Time On
I have spent a lot of time on displacement activities. This has added to my low mood as I have not achieved things I should. But I am now running out of such tasks.
As I highlighted a while ago I have given up rolling news and I no longer read newspapers. At most I skim the headlines online or in newsagents. I am now getting too irritated with some of the forums I spent a lot of time on. I have now given up the Alamy, Photoshelter and Suite101 forums and will only check my statistics weekly instead of several times a day.
I am going to have to find useful things to do or days are going to be very long!
Coming Out of Depression?
Seriously I am hoping it is a good sign. My mood can still be fragile but I no longer feel “down” as a matter of course. Even when I have a down mood it tends to be short and not as deep. Most of the time the worst I suffer is a mind that feels “foggy” and without a sense of direction. Uncomfortable but not distressing.
Encouragingly I can usually force myself to do some writing, or other undemanding jobs, as long it is something straightforward. When I have that fogginess, concentration is low and the ability to connect ideas, usually my strength, is difficult. But getting some writing done alleviates the worst of it. After a good night’s sleep I usually wake with more energy and able to develop a train of thought.
The comforting thing is it is creating a sense of steady improvement rather than a switch into a manic phase. Whilst the energy of a manic period can be exciting it can also quickly lead to another deep “black dog”. I put much of that down to being open about my problem and sharing my experience here. Normality is beginning to feel wonderful.
Planning a New Future Life as Alternative to Retirement
I am now in the process of using the better times to focus on the life-change and income aspects I need to address. As I said in my Have I Retired and No One Has Told Me? article I have to find “something different” as my alternative to retirement. As described there I have some sense of what it might be and am beginning to move on to fleshing out what it means in practical terms.
I had expected to have a couple of years to prepare for that time but now face having to take action immediately so the signs that my depression may be lifting are extremely welcome. I need to pace myself and make haste slowly. I suspect at this stage I need to raise my energy levels by doing and achieving things but not push so hard that I get too tired and slip back into a dark place.
So, all in all, getting irritated with displacement activities can only be a good sign that my mood is improving. So I will use it and hope that it puts me into a virtuous circle. I look forward to being my old me again. You have been warned.