Curiosity of childhood - X1153

Positive Attitudes and Rediscovering Excitement

My recovery from depression is going well but still requires me to actively adopt a positive attitude although it is beginning to be second nature.  I am also trying to become open to new opportunities based on curiosity and rediscovered enthusiasm.

Optimism and Control

There are still times when I find myself reacting negatively to events or circumstances and have to pull myself up and change my attitude, but I now have that control.

Even the anniversary of my father's death at the beginning of September caused me no distress. Indeed I was able to reflect on my life with him and my mother and take pleasure that I had supportive and encouraging parents.  I have been able to let go the burden of expectation that I only recently understood came from within.They had hopes, it is true, which created that subconscious pressure but I also realise that they were inordinately proud of what I achieved. I would also have had their support for the changes that I am making to my life now. My new understanding is a big step forward in my recovery from depression.

Most importantly I am now at ease with the loss of what I once was, a high-level, career person. With the support of Alison and my children I have now been able to give myself permission to change and do new things. With my writing I have started on a new path but as I suggested in The Dream has Begun there was feeling that I did know what the vision was - a need from my old, more driven self. I just need to go wherer the new posiitve mood takes me.

Rediscovering One's Enthusiams

As Tim Ferris says in the 4-Hour Work Week it can be difficult to rediscover the old enthusiasms and passions that excited one in the past. Especially when they have been subordinated to a career or demanding work, however satisfying.  I am now excited by the opportunity to seek out and try new things; or old things but see them with new eyes.

That is where I am now. I need to try things I used to enjoy and things I have never done to rekindle that youthful enthusiasm and find the activities that inspire. The search should be fun. I will be trying all sorts of new things; many extremely tiny and even banal. As a start I will visit parts of my home city of Nottingham I have never or rarely visited despite living here for most of my 60 years.  Perhaps, like Jenny Joseph,  I will wear purple and learn to spit - a Warning!

As I discovered from the conversation with Alison that features in The Dream has Begun I cannot, and should not, try to force it. That is the old driven Martin approach. I need to let nature and my mind find it for itself when I am ready. But as Louis Pasteur said: "only chance favours the prepared mind."

Young_boy_on_Steam_train_x1604w300I need to work with that idea. I need to relax and be ready to see and accept opportunity to change rather than try to drive it as in the past. I need to ensure that old ways of evaluating ideas are forgotten and to keep an open mind. I will try to see life and the world afresh as with the eyes of a child and enjoy life as it comes.

It should be fun, and exciting.


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